“Let us forgive each other. Only then will we live in peace” – Tolstoy
I used to think I was pretty good at forgiving and letting go, but I was wrong. We’ve all had people and things in our lives cause us pain, and we all handle it differently. In the past I’ve always dealt with these situations by choosing to block them out, pretending like it or they didn’t exist anymore. Recently, I found myself in a situation where pretending these people or things don’t exist has become difficult. Mainly because that thing is not so far removed from my life. Having to constantly be confronted by it made me realize that I was pretending when it came to forgiveness. Acting like something or someone doesn’t exist is not the equivalent to me actually forgiving and moving on. I started to think back to other situations and people from my past, asking myself “are you really over it?” I realized I wasn’t.
I never really dealt with any of it and because of this, I couldn’t really be at peace with myself. This past month I was forced to take a deep look into my soul and ask myself, why is forgiveness so hard for me, and how is it hindering my growth? Can I 100% say that I found the answer? No, but I’ve started the journey towards it and that’s a great start.
I’m learning the true meaning of forgiveness and what that means for me, my sanity, and my growth. I’m learning that I cannot truly move forward in my life if I’m harboring toxic feelings towards people and things in my past. Can I say that this lesson has been fully learned throughout the month? Absolutely not. What I can say is that it’s on my radar and I’m working in it.
I. Am. Working on it.
And I will continue to do so until I wake up free of those burdens with my soul at peace. I feel the change in me already and it’s a wonderful thing. Some days I feel like I’ve reached this point. Other days remind me that I still have work to do. Either way it’s a journey that I intend to see through to the end.
Let go of those grudges. Until then you won’t truly be free.